letter 017: the best tuesday of my life

dear junk mail club,

recommended listening: the postman - the american analog set

quite a lot has happened since we last spoke. i like letting enough time pass though where i actually have some sort of something to say. an odd sentence. but i went to the east coast for two weeks, and now i am back in LA doing horrible real life things like grocery shopping and paying $7 for a gallon of gas and having to actually complete the things i set out to do. i managed to do it again. i am honestly not sure if i’m in love with new york city or have been repeatedly been building up a false perception of it. i only ever visit in the fall right as the leaves start turning and the weather stops being hot and sticky, but before it gets all cold and miserable. or some call it miserable. i wouldn’t know. and that’s my problem. i’ve convinced myself that moving there would be perfect based off one week spurts during the most beautiful times of the year. this most recent trip was no different. timed to perfection. and this time we went on tour for the first few days :)

photos from tour. misc receipts. september 22-24, 2022. 35mm.

before leaving for the trip i was in a weird spot. i was so scared of going. the anticipation of all the travel and logistics of it all was really getting to me. once i’m in a situation, i’m totally fine, and i actually operate better under stress, but the anticipation of me being away from home for two weeks when i had already been feeling like i was crashing seemed like a terrible idea. i had stopped drinking coffee entirely the month prior to leaving to try to calm my anxiety. it was getting quite bad. and thankfully, stopping actually helped me a ton day to day. i thought i would really miss it, and i do crave the taste here and there, but i’m very picky about when i drink coffee now and i don’t dependent on it every morning anymore. it’s more of a treat. and i like it like that. a quick shoutout to “le phin”—that’s a vietnamese coffee spot i had in new york and the pandan latte is so good. go there if you can. did i get anxious after? yes, a little bit yes. but it was entirely worth the taste.

laurie, at the beach, looking south as the dusk fills in the blue. 8mm. september 19, 2022.

anyways, on the way to the airport i cried in the car. i did. i had to try to hide my tears quickly as i was getting out of the car to meet up with the rest of the band. i didn’t want them to think i was a lame-o. if they are reading this, this is the first time they are hearing about this moment, too. i had only met and formed this carwash live band two weeks before leaving for this east coast run of shows. for context, carwash is my solo project where i write and record everything myself (besides some drums here and there), but for the live set it’s a lot more fun to have a band rather just me and a computer. so i didn’t want my new friends thinking i was a fool. but garry fool is who i am. once i rolled my bags through security, it was like my brain switched into overtime mode and i never looked back. 

the band asleep. photos and receipts from tour. september 22, 2022. 35mm. 8mm. misc.

we flew out on a redeye and none of us slept more than a few minutes. the perfect set up for a bad start, but the tour ended up being the most i had laughed in a long, long time. i attribute some of that to extreme tiredness. i think the delirium was a bonus for those few days. everything was a little dreamlike. and everyone embraced the experience for what it was. just stumbling on through. you get to know people very fast when you spend every second with them in a van. the whole thing felt like a summer camp or something. you get to the end and everyone has to go back to normal life, but you so badly want to stay forever.

bandmates. before the new york city show in the green room of the mercury lounge. september 23, 2022. 35mm by chris emond.

my bandmates who were somewhat strangers to me a few weeks ago are now some of my favorite friends. we didn’t kill each other. not even close. except for one freeway incident that we will keep quiet. the tour was only four days long, but it felt like a month. i can’t imagine how long a month or even a three month long tour would feel. and in the most positive way i say that. i wish i could’ve done that for weeks. and i hope we will soon.

new jersey. photos and receipts from tour. september 23-24, 2022. 35mm. misc.

my bank account really needs a breather. i’m actually happy with how unproductive i was when i went over to new york. but i guess i was extremely productive in a different way than i had planned. i got super good at spending money on food and random activities that i convinced myself were essential such as visiting the LEGO store and building a custom minifigure. if you ever grow out of a love for LEGOs your life is going the wrong direction. for weeks i had been working long days with no days off on new music and getting the carwash live set to a good place, so i hadn’t really taken a second to breathe. and while in new york about all i did was hangout with friends—go to museums, go to shows, eat bagels, walk around in the rain, and sit on the subway with my headphones, thinking i looked cool enough for people to notice me. let’s be honest with ourselves. i didn’t. i only had brought three outfits for fourteen days. i had to leave room for the music gear in my suitcase.

throwing rocks as high as we can and waiting for them to come down. that’s just gravity, but for some reason today it’s the funniest thing we’ve ever done. beacon. september 30, 2022. 35mm. 8mm.

since getting home from that trip, i’m still adjusting to the speed of my life here again. my days are a bit more lonesome due to me just working on music in my room for the majority of my time. having the polar opposite in new york really opened my eyes to how i could better my days here by allocating time to hangout with friends on a more regular basis. shocker. with LA being so spread out in terms of distance, it’s not quite as convenient as new york where you can plan and meet up with a friend in fifteen minutes. however, what i am finally learning is how to tell my friends i miss them. or at least i’m getting better at it. it’s about time i learned this fundamental skill because i’m the master of making friends with people that don’t live in the same city as me. i truthfully should be a paid ambassador for facetime. i’m such a sentimental person it’s disgusting. if you get into my facetime routine, your days will be taken over by my calls. those who know, know.

“ you give a brief embrace as they get into a taxi, and you walk home in the rain letting your pants drag under your shoes, dampening the blow of saying goodbye. you make a few bad jokes that never get heard amongst the traffic, and watch the brake lights simmer out. the city reflects off the pavement like the moon on the river upstate. and as it sets, the sun rises, and it’s hollow image slowly disappears amongst the horizon as you grasp endlessly trying to hold on to the feeling of yesterday’s effortless bliss. when you finally make it to your apartment, you rip off your wet socks and shoes and crumple into the pillow on the couch fully clothed. you smile because you know you’ll never forget this. you see the art supplies peeking out from the corner of the room that you had bought to paint together, but never got the chance to open. you close the blinds and turn off the lights. you curl into yourself and wipe your eyes. that might’ve been the best tuesday of your life. i’ll see you when i do.” new york and misc. photos paired with a story. october, 2022.

if you came to one of the shows, i’m eternally grateful. i hope we got to meet. it’s always funny seeing how surprised many of you are when i recognize your username when we meet in real life. i really do notice those of you who are supporting me and my adventures of spilling gunk into the void. thank you always.

yours,

garry fool