letter 014: i'm not a dinosaur, i promise
dear junk mail club,
recommended listening: torch dance - masahiro takahashi
i’ve noticed the intervals between letters are growing incrementally. it’s been a few months. hello again, i hope you are doing okay—however that may apply to you at the time you are reading this. and if you aren’t doing so hot, if you are a little bit off today, well, me, too. it’s a saturday afternoon and i haven’t gone outside yet today. that's always my first mistake. boxing myself in, physically within my apartment. not intentionally. or. at least not today. sometimes i do it on purpose when feeling like shit seems like the only way to come out on the other side. reading this a few days later, i’m noticing that last sentence sounds like a poop analogy—i’ll leave it in for comedic relief. today, i had what my new zealand friends call an “admin day.” that’s pretty much a day where you are trying to get yourself oriented. a reset to start fresh. things like laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen.
for the last few weeks, i’ve really had a hard time finding conclusions for songs and ideas that i start. a very frustrating rut that’s lasting and lasting. i can’t seem to find the finish line. i’m spending time each day trying, but i’m just running in place. i think a lot of my antsiness is being amplified by not being able to skateboard right now, too. i rolled my ankle last week and knew i should take some time off, but i stupidly tried skating again yesterday only to tweak it once more. skateboarding is the balance for me day to day. when my eyes are stained and bloodshot from the screen, my brain wilting, i go skate. i don’t think about anything except for the trick i’m trying. a lot of my anger or frustration is emptied into skating. the physicality of it i would guess. the challenge and the reward. i don’t know the science of it, but the little joy in landing tricks recharges me. the little dopamine release it must be. i’m nothing to rave about as a skater, but i do love it, and am finding it more and more special all the time. it’s gotten me thinking about what else i’d want to do if it weren’t music.
rotate your phone for this next collage :)
okay, some possible future garry routes that i would like to do: open a coffee shop, become/learn more about being an architect, design and build my own furniture, actually take some steps to towards becoming a better chef. i’ve been saying that last one for a little too long to have nothing to show for it. i’ll come clean—that chicken satay with cucumber salad i posted to my story a couple weeks ago—i really was just on assistant duty to my girlfriend laurie who was the true captain and chef on that one. she’s been on me for not crediting her on that. no beef now.
as for the coffee shop, a friend of mine just opened his own on the other side of the globe in new zealand. everyone say congratulations robby. i think that’s so awesome. i would love to start my own coffee shop at one point. you will all of course be invited if that day ever comes. mooch off my free wifi, enjoy a pastry, and maybe become a regular if you would be so kind.
when i was little i used to want to be an architect. i would draw these ideas for homes i had.. they are these sheets on sheets of floor plans for mansions that have multiple bowling alleys and game rooms while only a single kitchen and bathroom. it’s funny the way you think as a kid. a very skewed perspective. i would want to be anything that passed in front of the house: the garbageman, the gardener, and of course, the mailman. to be fair, i’m not too far from that now. especially once you see what i have up my sleeve for postcard boy. when i was in kindergarten, they had all the kids write what they wanted to be when they grew up. when all the parents visited one day, my mom came into the classroom to see what her son’s bright imagination had dreamed up. what excitement. what anticipation. she was quite shocked by my answer. in fact, no other student in the class had my same answer. i was entirely unique. at just five years old i was already an outside the box thinker. a real pioneer. i had written…
unfortunately, or probably fortunately actually, i’ve strayed from that.
while i’m missing conclusions artistically, i’m asking more questions. why is it that i want to do this, and who do i want to be as i continue? truthfully, i can only see as far ahead as the project i’m currently working on and battling completing. if it were easier, i don’t know if i’d have as much fulfillment doing it. where i want to be in a few years i am not sure. a lot of me truly doesn’t love being in the spotlight which is quite backwards considering me choosing to be the artist rather than a producer or a more behind the scenes role. i think how i choose to interact with those who make my career as an artist possible (you all, and everyone who’s listening, thank you endlessly, i mean that) will continually be a changing exploration. i like these letters a lot as of now for a way to break my silence in between releasing my next endeavor. i’m not so good at selfies and social media the way others share their voices. i do consciously try to keep up though. i’m not a dinosaur, i promise. not yet at least.