letter 010: routine chaos
recommended listening: i was dreaming (b side acoustic) - julian klincewicz,
it’s been a little while since i wrote you a letter properly. i hope you all have been doing well. it has been a flurry of events since we last talked. i can’t speak for the months i didn’t write to you guys, and i’m not going to try to reach back to resurface feelings that no longer reside in me now. but recently, i feel like i’ve been in a state of chaos. to be honest, “chaos” might be a bit overkill in word choice, but i do feel a bit unsettled. i’m on a leave of absence this year from school. a big part of that choice is due to the fact that my music has really started to take off over the past few months. the soap water EP is out now, too! the response has been so lovely. i want to explicitly say thank you because it is all because of your support for my art that i have the opportunity to pursue music like this. the small percentage of you that read these letters, i’m so appreciative that you take time out of your day to read my rambling.
anyways, i’ve never known autumn without school. i’m still finding my routine, still generating a structure for my weeks. i get lost on what day of the week it is. however, i am upgrading guys. i bought myself a whiteboard that i cover with a calendar for the month, and an ever changing to-do list that i can check off. i also wrote on it, “you are awesome. don’t forget,” because i’m a softie. it also says “tell your friends, too.” gotta give yourself a little pat on the back and lift your friends up as well. we all need it.
it’s so easy to slip into bad habits when the days get busy. i had stopped going to the beach, going for my neighborhood walks, and going to bed at a good time (every good habit that i’ve written about in the past). if i’m going to expose myself, “late nights” for me are anything past midnight. lol. i like going to bed around 11:30PM and starting my days around 8AM. i enjoy the morning so much. it’s quiet and still and everything feels fresh. my friends all say i’m a grandpa -- i go to bed early, drink from my mug, go for walks around the neighborhood, and my style is heavily comparative to a grandpa’s. maybe rephrase? call me an old soul.
i’m back and better though. over the last week i’ve made it a duty for myself to visit the ocean and go for a walk everyday. it’s wild how much it resolves my jumbled feelings. it was on a solo walk around the neighborhood that i thought up everything i need to say here. i choose the word “need” because these truly help me make sense of how i’m feeling. i do write in my journal everyday and that helps me immensely, but these letters push me to articulate my thoughts in a comprehensible way, not just in scribbles that miss the lines.
autumn is my favorite time of year by far. it has a certain feeling to it that i adore. i was painting my nails the other day with my friend makk, and she was laughing at how particular i am about choosing what finger gets which color. certain colors to me weigh down different fingers differently. a darker shade feels a lot heavier, so i could never have two dark shades right next to each other unless the whole hand is dark. it’s hard to explain. on different weeks, different fingers feel like they need different shades. it’s a bit much now that i’m typing it out for the world to examine. i give you little insights into me and you can choose to remember some and forget others. this might be one to forget. but getting back to it, there’s something so magical and comforting about this season. this is only going to confuse everyone even more, but to me, carwash feels like spring/summer and postcard boy feels like fall/winter. i wonder how you guys feel about all that. possibly indifferent.
this time of year always re-inspires me. right now is probably the most focused and invested i’ve ever been towards making music. everyday i wake up and it’s something music driven whether it be designing future merch, taking calls and driving to meet someone, or actually sitting down and working a song. i’m still readjusting to this being my everyday, but it’s the coolest opportunity because i’ve been dreaming and working towards this for years. i have so many ideas about what is to come next, but i still have to go and make them happen. i’m sure i’ll let you in on what i’m working on in future letters.